Archive for October, 2006

I was misled…

Last time I posted… I had no idea what I was in for. Engraftment, my friends, is hell. Bare with me for a few weeks here… I promise I will go back to posting about my “older” (read: non-Leuk) topics.

But, in the meanwhile, here is a post that made me laugh (which is a rare ability these days):

You should enjoy this one!

October 28, 2006 at 9:07 am 8 comments

Six More Months…

I wonder, how the hell did I manage to attract all of these incredible people to my life. It’s a wonder, it’s a miracle.

Last May, I saw my life flash before me. I was ready for a long journey of despair. I was ready for the pity that would unfold around me. To some extent, I was prepared for loss. Loss of freedom, loss of values, loss of body image, loss of hair, loss of sanity…. loss of humanity. To some extent, I expected this.

What I did not prepare for, what I did not expect…. is to be touched by others so deeply that my reasons for living, my way of living would be transformed. I look back at that selfish person I once was. That girl who waited for fate to change, resisting change myself, with every piece that I am. Waiting for something to give… so I wouldn’t have to. 

October 12, 2006 – I received a bone marrow donation from Amy (who I promised I would not share her identifying information publicly – but who I want to scream out to the world about).  Amy was a stranger to me on October 11th. A sister-in-law to a friend of mine. She left her job and her husband and her child and got onto a plane – over the sea and through a new continent to undergo a painful, slightly risky procedure…. for my sake. Giving me a chance – for no benefit of her own. I don’t know what you call this kind of sacrifice, this kind of kindness. The story speaks for itself.

I feel undeserving. A guilty feeling I would never admit to Amy – glad she doesn’t read my blog. I can’t help but to think of all the people waiting for a donor and I wonder why me? I selfishly wish I did not have this burden – how will I explain to myself why I was given this gift that so many others need and deserve. Why did I accept it? Why didn’t I give it away? What about the mother of three young children who is waiting? What about the little girl – the apple of her daddy’s eyes – who is waiting? What about the grandmother, who husband isn’t sure how he will go on without her…. she’s waiting too? These people I don’t know, these people I never heard of dance through my head each night. I wonder, with guilt, why me?

And did I really start to cry when the doctor said I would need to spend 4-8 more weeks in the hospital? Did I really make that face and sigh out-loud when he said I would need to stay in this country – far from home – for at least 6 months afterwards. Shameful!

Six more months… to turn my attitude around. To become a better person. The person Amy thinks I already am.

Become someone’s reason for change. Become someone’s six more months. Especially if you are Asian, we need you.

October 23, 2006 at 9:45 pm 7 comments

Julia’s Jam

It’s just not that black & white. Not because I am taking a stand against. Just because, the issues I face are somewhere in the grey area and to weed through them, I blog. I blog. ~

Glimpse of Julia

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