Six More Months…

October 23, 2006 at 9:45 pm 7 comments

I wonder, how the hell did I manage to attract all of these incredible people to my life. It’s a wonder, it’s a miracle.

Last May, I saw my life flash before me. I was ready for a long journey of despair. I was ready for the pity that would unfold around me. To some extent, I was prepared for loss. Loss of freedom, loss of values, loss of body image, loss of hair, loss of sanity…. loss of humanity. To some extent, I expected this.

What I did not prepare for, what I did not expect…. is to be touched by others so deeply that my reasons for living, my way of living would be transformed. I look back at that selfish person I once was. That girl who waited for fate to change, resisting change myself, with every piece that I am. Waiting for something to give… so I wouldn’t have to. 

October 12, 2006 – I received a bone marrow donation from Amy (who I promised I would not share her identifying information publicly – but who I want to scream out to the world about).  Amy was a stranger to me on October 11th. A sister-in-law to a friend of mine. She left her job and her husband and her child and got onto a plane – over the sea and through a new continent to undergo a painful, slightly risky procedure…. for my sake. Giving me a chance – for no benefit of her own. I don’t know what you call this kind of sacrifice, this kind of kindness. The story speaks for itself.

I feel undeserving. A guilty feeling I would never admit to Amy – glad she doesn’t read my blog. I can’t help but to think of all the people waiting for a donor and I wonder why me? I selfishly wish I did not have this burden – how will I explain to myself why I was given this gift that so many others need and deserve. Why did I accept it? Why didn’t I give it away? What about the mother of three young children who is waiting? What about the little girl – the apple of her daddy’s eyes – who is waiting? What about the grandmother, who husband isn’t sure how he will go on without her…. she’s waiting too? These people I don’t know, these people I never heard of dance through my head each night. I wonder, with guilt, why me?

And did I really start to cry when the doctor said I would need to spend 4-8 more weeks in the hospital? Did I really make that face and sigh out-loud when he said I would need to stay in this country – far from home – for at least 6 months afterwards. Shameful!

Six more months… to turn my attitude around. To become a better person. The person Amy thinks I already am.

Become someone’s reason for change. Become someone’s six more months. Especially if you are Asian, we need you.

Entry filed under: Korean, Random Thoughts.

Going Home… I was misled…

7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Sue  |  October 24, 2006 at 1:37 am

    I love Amy. I love you. You are such an honest, caring, right-hearted person. A girl mensch. You deserve to live!

  • 2. harlowmonkey  |  October 24, 2006 at 7:21 pm

    Julia, what a remarkable story and what a remarkable person “Amy” is. Your story has been an inspiration to me. I hope your recovery goes well and I look forward to hearing more about your incredible journey.

  • 3. Sara_2  |  October 25, 2006 at 6:03 am

    Julia, it is so wonderful to see you back. The recovery is a long process but if you are well enough to blog after just two weeks, then you are doing very well!

    So glad that you are better.

  • 4. Rebecca  |  October 25, 2006 at 6:09 pm

    Julia, it is such a joy to hear from you again. I’ve been checking in daily waiting for word from you. I wish you many more amazing and wonderful people in your life. And I wish you wellness and strength.

  • 5. thevoyage  |  October 26, 2006 at 9:14 pm

    Greetings. I’m new to your blog and just wanted to drop you a line wishing you well and a speedy recovery. I’m a cancer-survivor myself. I appreciate when other cancer survivors share their stories….it always gives me new insights and reminds me that I sometimes need to re-readjust how I look at things. What a blessing Amy is!

  • 6. kahlan  |  October 26, 2006 at 9:42 pm

    Thinking of you and wishing you a speedy recovery. I am so glad Amy came into your life. Thank you for the link.

  • 7. Margie  |  October 28, 2006 at 4:02 pm

    Julia, so good to see you online again! Bravo to Amy, whoever and wherever she is! And bravo to you for undergoing this treatment. My fingers and toes are crossed, and you’re in my prayers, to heal quickly and well.

    And please don’t be hard on yourself about the frustration ANYONE would feel about the way this disease affects your life. You and anyone suffering from a life-threatening and life-impacting illness is entitled to look to others for comfort from the pain and frustration. And I think the very last person who is expecting you to bottle up your feelings is Amy.


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Julia’s Jam

It’s just not that black & white. Not because I am taking a stand against. Just because, the issues I face are somewhere in the grey area and to weed through them, I blog. I blog. ~

Glimpse of Julia

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