Archive for March, 2006

We forget…

The other day I was talking to my mom about some "symptoms" that I was having (minor things like being tired, a lingering cough from a virus I had 6 months ago, and some sore muscles from running). My mom listened to all of them and then had a list of (mostly embarressing) questions. She started concluding with (btw, my mother is an elementary teacher – not a medical professional!) with, "you better follow-up with your doctor! You know cancer runs in our family!" My response was to giggle and say, "you dork! I'm adopted!" My mom was quiet and then said, "ohh yeah. I forgot!"

LOL … I like that sometimes we forget.

March 30, 2006 at 8:35 pm 4 comments

Jessica Simpson

The article below makes me sick. Really, really sick. Did Jessica really say that she wants to adopt before she has her "own" kids?? Maybe she should read up on some adoption terms before she wastes her money! Her "own" kids? #1, adopted kids are their parents "own" — blood does not = ownership! #2, what makes her so sure she can biologically have any children? Why do people always make those assumptions?

And why has adoption become these fad?? Like "hey, wanna be cool and fashionable? Get a genetically unrelated kid to plop on your hip!" <gag>

Here is the article….

"Simpson wants her own orphanage"

March 29, 2006 at 10:56 pm 3 comments


There is a woman I work with who adopted a baby in the USA who's birthparents are from El Salvador. Her daughter is now 6 years old and is asking questions about looking differently (well she has since she was like 3). So she taught her daughter to tell people that she is "Latino." And she was proudly telling me about it. I listened and then said, "you mean Latina, since she is a girl, right?" She was stumped — so I gave her a mini Spanish lesson (from someone who cannot speak Spanish!). Eight months later… she is still saying her daughter is "latino." Grrrrr…. does she not care??

Stupid people!

March 29, 2006 at 4:45 pm 2 comments

Crazy Kid!

Here is John in attack mode…


His parents had no idea they were adopting a ninja!

What a lucky surprise!

March 28, 2006 at 1:42 pm 1 comment

Plan B

"There is a couple… they are older and not a great profile," the director of the agency starts with me. "I want them to start looking at other options, because they have been waiting awhile with us and it doesn't look promising. Would you mind sharing your positive experience as an adult adoptee with them? I think they may consider Korea."

So, let me get this straight. Our domestic rejects get the international suggestion? Nice!

So we all sit down together. Director in one chair, me in another, and the "bad profile" couple on the sofa. The tension is high and I get this look from the couple as if this meeting is their last hope. Director introduces international adoption by asking them if they have "looked into" it….

Mrs. Bad Profile: "well, we aren't really good travelers and we've never been out of the country, so we're not sure…"

Director: "not all countries require travel. Like Korea, have you considered Korea? The baby can be escorted back."

Mr. Bad Profile has a sour look on his face and he rumbles something about fees. Mrs. Bad Profile has pipped up and looks hopeful. Director continues…

"I am concerned though, if you would consider an Asian child," she says. "I noticed you are in our caucasian-only program."

Mrs. Bad Profile hasn't heard the second sentance, she has already started talking, "oh yes, we would consider a Chinese child!"

I started to open my mouth … but Director kicks in with, "You would need to travel for China, but Korea offers escorts."

Mrs. Bad Profile: "oh yes, that is what I mean, a Chinese baby from Korea."

I want to scream, "NOOOOO! NOT THEM! DON'T LET THEM ADOPT FROM KOREA!!" But I am silent — reminding myself internally that I need this internship to graduate. I shift in my chair and push my heel of my shoe into the ground.

After our meeting I ask Director if she thinks it's a good idea for this couple to adopt a Korean child. She turns the question on me and asks, "do you want to be the one to say who is worthly of becoming a parent or not?"

No. No I don't. But that's why I am the intern and she is the professional!

So, who's job is it anyway? Who should adopt from where and who should identify the desperate from the educated decision maker?

I went to a conference in Rochester, NY last year on adoption (mostly directed towards prospective APs) and sat through a session on "Transracial Adoption." The speaker, a fat older white man without a shave (who according to the hand-out has "a wealth of knowledge on transracial adoptee issues"), stated, "it is unfortant that in today's adoption communities, Asian children are often referred to as 'the other white meat'." I felt pretty cheap. (I'm a a vegetarian.)

I asked my parents why they picked Korea. My mom is unable to really answer this question. All she can reply with is what I already know. My father and her had struggled through miscarriage after miscarriage after my sister was born and they knew they "were meant to have more than one child." I'm glad they can be so sure…

Translation: They wanted another bio-baby, but couldn't do it. So they went on to plan B.

However, when I ask my parents why they didn't adopt a white baby domestically they are fast to explain why. My mom's brother adopted domestically. They waited 7 years before finding his birth mother. It's simple: my parents did not have the patience or desire to wait. So they went to plan B. I am plan B!

What about a black baby domestically?? "We really didn't think that a black baby would fit in well with our family. You know how the older generation in our family can be. It wouldn't be fair to the child." my dad explains. Could he mean Bubbe?? The one who refers to me as "the chink"? Nahh… couldn't be her! She has been such a positive force to my self-identity!

I am sure, if I found my birth mother, she (like so many birth mothers I have met with) would have something similar to tell me. "I wanted to keep you, but I couldn't. I knew I couldn't do it…" or something like that. She made plan B.

And so did my parents.

And so here is Julia. Plan B.

March 27, 2006 at 2:08 pm 12 comments


I am interning at an adoption agency and this has made a lot of my personal experiences as an adoptee surface. I never thought I cared so much about the topic!

Today, a family came into the agency after just picking up their new daughter from the airport (from Korea). It felt so weird looking at that scared little baby girl. I wonder if I acted like that when I came over? Her tiny little dress with American flag design on it seemed so inappropriate to me. Why did they put that on her? Is it like to prove she is theirs? Like "she is AMERICAN even though we know she doesn't look it!" Made me feel bad for her. She couldn't keep her eyes off me. I wonder if it was because I am Korean too? Is she old enough to know that??? Is she wondering why her life has changed so dramatically in the past few days??

I wish I could remember what I was thinking when I first came to the USA from Korea. I wish I could know and could tell her (even though she is just a baby), "hey kid, I know what you're going through!"

I look at this kid and I really hope that all these new efforts to educate parents on adopting babies from other countries will pay off for her. Can it really make a difference for her?? Will she really have it easier? Does she miss her birthmother, like I do sometimes? Or maybe she does more, because it is all still fresh to her? A piece of me aches for this baby and a piece of me is so happy for her…

My mom told me this story: When I was a little girl — around 5 years old, my mom was telling a friend about when she gave birth to Sara (my older sister). My mom then noticed that I was listening and didn't want me to feel bad .. so she turned the story into "and when we first adopted Julia…." She said that I sat and listened and listened and then said, "I wish I wasn't adopted." She said that she almost broke out in tears and asked "why?" And I said, "I wish I was born, like Sara. Not adopted!"

On the one hand – it's a cute funny story. On the other hand.. it's sad. I really thought I was never born. That no one huffed and puffed and labored for me to come into this world. No one cried when they first saw me — like they did for Sara. For me… my life started much later. Cheated out of the miracle of birth and the first 8 months of my life. It all seemed unfair.

Still, even today, I wish I knew the wonder of my birth. I wish I was not the product of the pain of secondary infertility for my mother. I just wish someone – who was there – could tell me the story… even if it was third-person account. Did she cry? Was I kissed? Was I cold and puffy and someone held me close and warmed me up? Did I look into her eyes and did she return my glance?

"Children thirst to hear where they came from…

they need to know that they were desired,

that their birth was a wonder, and they were always

the object of love and care."

-Marcelle Clements

March 24, 2006 at 4:16 pm 4 comments

Ode to BJs

The first BJ’s opened its doors in Medford, Massachusetts in 1984. Today, BJ’s Wholesale Club, Inc. is a leading wholesale club chain operating in the eastern United States from Maine to Miami and in the state of Ohio. BJ’s common stock is traded on the New York Stock Exchange under the symbol “BJ”.

BJ’s is the only wholesale club with absolutely no membership qualifications or restrictions. All consumers and businesses are welcome to join.

I hope this clears up any confusion as to what BJs are! Personally, I really like BJs. I usually buy paper towels, napkins, cat litter, and single-serving chocolate soy milk there. And the BJ’s brand water (called H2O) is really much better than Poland Springs….

Along these same lines… John has asked that I put a different picture up – if I post a picture of him at all. Ok John, for you… I will!




March 23, 2006 at 11:12 am 1 comment


This is John Paul…. 

Baby John

Isn't he cute?

He's also so sweet.

Soooo funny.

And sooo smart!

He's a KAD, who wishes he was a FOB. And a bit metro as well. (His bed sheets are purple!) He likes Banana and cream puffs.

He speaks great Korean and he observes lenten.


March 22, 2006 at 2:12 pm 4 comments

Not that funny

It started with a couple who should never be allowed to parent kids. I’m not a bitter adoptee at all. Matter of fact, I am more positive than most. I believe that. I’d like them to meet SJ and then let me know if I am bitter.

There are some folks I’d rather not have to share this world with. Hamoudy, you’re one of them!

I honestly believe that people who eat meat have no idea what they are doing. Could that be though? Most of the world has no idea what goes into that burger? That’s messed up. Koreans eat dog. Most Americans think that is messed up. But what is the difference really? Between a chicken or a goat or cow or a dog? In China, Tofu could be stirfry! Yikes! Poor kitty!

I’ve been listening to too much BEP. It’s taking a toll! And why did I buy that ipod in white? What a boring color! Bad choice! Wish I got the green.


Just one of those days today.

March 22, 2006 at 1:23 pm 2 comments

Good Days/Bad Days

This morning when I was drying my hair Jackie came in to get a hair tie and said, “you look really good today Julia.”

Me: “Really? That’s strange!”

Jax: “Yeah, I don’t know. It’s not strange. You just do.”

Me: “Thanks.”

But, truth be told… I forced “thanks” out of my mouth, when really all I wanted to do was cry.

Jax – girl – YOU are so beautiful! You are one of the most beautiful people I know. Inside you are a saint and your outsides reflect it. Even bumped up – how do you look so good??

Baruch Hashem for my girls!

March 21, 2006 at 4:53 pm Leave a comment

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