Archive for May, 2007

May 29, 1983

Dear Mother in Korea,

It’s been awhile. 24 years, since I have seen you. Are you thinking what I am thinking today? As I feverishly wreck my brain to remember what we experienced for only a few moments. Does it feel like yesterday for you? Or can you hardly keep track? I have heard that it is possible, to remember things experienced as an infant, but I can’t decipher between fantasy and memories.

I wanted to search for you, until I found the letter you wrote to the director. It’s still in my file. It’s scary for me to realize that you might feel like you made the wrong decision. Maybe you think that my life was a result of some mistake that you made. I hope this is not the case. Because when I started that search, I really just wanted to find you in order to say thank you. To say that I felt you were pretty brave and to hear from your own mouth that you still think about me and wish me the best.

I hope you don’t misunderstand. It’s not that I feel that I am better off without you. It’s not that my life was/is so perfect. It’s not even that I was loved unconditionally by my parents and that they were your perfect replacement. Those are not things that are under our, or anyone else’s control. All of my pain aside, I still hope that you feel some sort of contentedness with your decision that you made. I do.

Last year, I received a picture of you and I. It was taken shortly after I was born. You held me and you looked at me – two things I was not so sure of before that picture arrived. And you – you were so beautiful then. So many people say that we look exactly alike. It’s hard to believe someone else out there looks like me.

So, thank you. Although I have not found you in my search, I feel as if I found what I was looking for. Not the medical information that I was hoping for. Not your loving embrace. Just the power to leave it up to you, one more time.

Truly yours,


May 29, 2007 at 4:09 pm 5 comments


Happy JPA Day to everyone!

I, for one, am extremely grateful for this day. JPA has enriched my life tremendously and many a times over, saved me. Thank you seems like such a silly understatement. Thank you for pushing for me, for grounding me, for being a ray of light in the middle of my darkness. Mostly for the patience and understanding that I never deserved.

Happy JPA Day!


May 5, 2007 at 7:23 pm Leave a comment

Julia’s Jam

It’s just not that black & white. Not because I am taking a stand against. Just because, the issues I face are somewhere in the grey area and to weed through them, I blog. I blog. ~

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