Archive for April, 2008

A Little Laugh

Per Julia’s request – she wants some laughter out of you all.  She warned me not to post anything remotely sad or depressing.

Having had this blog window open all day, scrounging the dusty corners of my brain for something cheery, a good joke, anecdote, or at least some slap-stick – I came up completely empty.  So youtube had to come the rescue:

Julia’s newest source for a good laugh:

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April 29, 2008 at 6:30 pm 10 comments

My Cousin, My Sister – With Love

I just found this blog although I have known Julia since she was a small baby. I remember the first time she came to Israel, I was 12 and she was the first Asian infant child I had met. I was surprised when my mother explained that we were now cousins. I was surprised in sense that a child is when they get a new toy. A new toy that would intrigue my friends for sure. Maybe make them jealous.

The adults had a same reaction. I remember my Uncle taking a smell of her and remarking that her odor was that of any Jewish baby. Our neighbor asked how much it cost to get such a baby. People on the street would stop and ask about her. Much to her nature she was easy to smile in response to the attention.

My mother has said that my first question about Julia was, “Where is her Mother?” That is when I was introduced about the sad nature of human beings. To a young boy who was raised in a country of adult wars, I cannot imagine something worse than a mother who could not keep her own baby. I had a hope then (still remaining) that we could replicate that for which she lost.

Quickly, Julia taught me somethings much different about human beings. She is a baby sister for me. In reading this blog I am unaware of who the person in some of these writings are. Every person who knows this woman without her blog has very little exposure to the pain that she shares here. I always wondered how she could so easily love again, so easily care again, and so completely fill my life and the lifes around her with happiness given her own tremendous losses. She is a woman who has loved without return in many essential relationships. But she continues.

In reading all of the kind comments on her blog I see how many people out there care about Julia that I cannot reach. I feel compelled to share some of the Julia I know with these people. It is a hope of mine that in knowing her we can work together to bring her through this horrible days. Thank you for Julia and John for allowing me to do it.

I wonder how many of you know how beautiful Julia is? How her hair reflects the sun, how her brown eyes are welcome to any, and how her laugh is too much well-intentioned to ever insult. I can remember many times when friend of mines would talk of her beauty. I felt then and now possessive over her. As a big brother I want to put in a bottle her beauty and release to only the most deserving. She is more generous to share.

I hope that you have seen her smile and hear her laugh. I hope that you have engaged in debate with Julia. That you have seen her quick mind at work. That you have been witness to her amazing compassion and generosity. I have been touched by her. Many people have been.

I hope that you will continue to pray for her.

Truly Yours,

Ranaan

April 26, 2008 at 1:47 pm 9 comments

Pray

Please pray for Julia.

I don’t know what else to say.

In Love,

John

April 25, 2008 at 10:41 am 32 comments

Day Four

Day four on the verge of tears. Have you ever had that feeling? The lump is in your throat and your heart is about to jump through your chest. But you’re so worn out that you don’t even have the strength to cry anymore?

I never had this problem before. Typically tears come so easy for me, too easy mostly. I am the person who left the movie “Finding Nemo” with mascara lines from crying. “Snow Dogs” had me sobbing so hard I am sure I devastated a few of the kids watching with me. I cried at almost every birthday that I had. My first reaction, when overly happy or overly sad, touched deeply, impacted, or just plain stressed out is to cry. I have cried so much lately that maybe I have spent all the tears that are allotted to me in this life-time. I hope not.

I wish I could cry. I wish I cried at my last blast count two days ago. I wish I cried when my aunt said she has arranged for me to come home for Pesach. I wish I cried when he told me he would visit soon. I wish I cried and I wish I could cry now… but I am too tired to cry. I am left longing for the release that tears give me, too tired, too weak, too overwhelmed to cry.

April 13, 2008 at 10:05 am 4 comments

Shout Out 2 My Peeps

My friend, Amie, is very wise. She’s a KAD and what I have dubbed my “brain twin.” We often speak on very similar lines. Today she said to me….

“When you don’t have a Family (biological, adoptive or otherwise), then you have to make the world your Family.”

We were talking about my “transformation.” She was telling me how she wanted to post on a listserv that I frequent that I was in need of prayers after she received an email from two of my dear friends updating my other friends about a recent brush with death. She refrained because she wasn’t sure how I would feel about putting all my leukemia laundry out there for everyone to see. I explained to her how I used to be so private, but I have realized how much I need the support of anyone who is willing to give it to me. How humbling this has been, painful even. And how tremendously good it has been… how loved I feel.

It feels so much better to me to give rather than to receive. When someone tells me, “I was worried about you,” a piece of me wants to cry, wants to apologize, and even feel embarrassed. I am not sure if this is a normal reaction. I am not sure if this warrants a therapy session or if the fact that my most recent illness has changed this all for me is the true abnormality.

The concern, the love, the prayers, the hand-holding, the unconditional everything, etc. I can’t even begin to sum it all up or make a list long enough about everything that I am thankful for. Thankful even seems like such a shallow word for this deep and profound emotion I am feeling. I have written so many posts in the past about how amazed I am at the generosity around me. My attempts to thank you all. But they all seemed too insufficient to publish.

But, I can’t wait any longer for the right words to come. My languages are too limiting. I can’t save another draft post for later. I have to satisfy with the fact that I can never repay you all, never thank you enough, never return the favor to be sufficient enough a return for what I have received.

How good it felt to come back to a facebook wall filled with love and prayers, a blog full of loving comments, emails and voicemails, cards, and visitors. How good it feels to be in a Family. Loved and cared for, touched by you.

Thank you, John, Leila, Ranaan, Gilad, Tovah, Margie, Carrie, Maya, Shira, Doda, Ajumma, Tim, Amie, DaeJun, Sefi, Noam, Jae…. this list is just a tiny piece of a much, much larger group of people who I am forever grateful to.

April 10, 2008 at 9:01 pm 3 comments


Julia’s Jam

It’s just not that black & white. Not because I am taking a stand against. Just because, the issues I face are somewhere in the grey area and to weed through them, I blog. I blog. ~

Glimpse of Julia

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