Posts filed under ‘3442’

In Peace…

Rest in peace, and peace to those who loved and knew Michelle far better than I did. A thought, prayer, and moment for

July 26, 2009 at 10:06 am 2 comments

Birthday Wishes

I wish…

I wish you were here to wish me my birthday wishes.

I wish you were wishing for a wish to which you might still be here.

I wish, a wish that wishes it would never have had to be wished at all.

I wish…for my birthday all over again.

May 7, 2009 at 10:06 am 4 comments

We Pray, and Pray, and Pray a Little More

For another who lives strong, a little prayer and a thought in our busy lives.

May 4, 2009 at 8:33 pm Leave a comment

And a prayer…

How come the ends/beginnings of months seem so tragic?  A small post, for Erica Murray.


December 1, 2008 at 2:35 pm 5 comments


– John Lennon

Half of what I say is meaningless
But I say it just to reach you, Julia
Julia, Julia, oceanchild, calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia
Julia, seashell eyes, windy smile, calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia

Her hair of floating sky is shimmering, glimmering
In the sun

Julia, Julia, morning moon, touch me
So I sing a song of love, Julia

When I cannot sing my heart
I can only speak my mind, Julia

Julia, sleeping sand, silent cloud, touch me
So I sing a song of love, Julia
Hum hum hum hum… calls me
So I sing a song of love for Julia, Julia, Julia


December 1, 2008 at 1:16 pm 1 comment

An Ugly Life

Another beautiful poem by our Julia – I think it speaks for itself.



I wished for you,
an ugly life.
The story of a stolen daughter,
The kind full of poverty, addiction,
and illness.
Of broken hearts and crushed dreams.
I wished for you,
an ugly life.

My wish would bring to me,
Would bring me family once loved
A tragic story could explain our loss
Our reunion, could have been my gain.

Instead, I’m your shame.
Your rich life, your four new ones,
hiding under it all,
I can find you there, I know.
but I can never find myself,
in your beautiful life.


August 13, 2008 at 2:17 pm 7 comments

“The Hummus Place”

Yesterday, I was able to meet up with Julia’s good friend from college, Sara and her husband Aref. As they’ve recently moved out to the urban metropolis of St. Cloud, MN (^^), they had a craving for some quality hummus. We made our way to “The Hummus Place” – which also happened to be a favorite of Julia’s.

The first time I went, I was wandering aimlessly in the Upper West Side talking to her on the phone. She brought up the location on her computer, and proceeded to tell me all the ins-and-outs of hummus – and apparently there are many! Partial list follows:

Order just one.
Forget the pickles, olives, and onions.
Use utensils.
Lick your fingers.
Forget the Gold Star.

Order more than you can eat.
Eat regular, not whole wheat pita.
Eat it right away, while it’s still warm.
Eat with friends.
Drink lots of Gold Star.

As you can see, she was a fan of the Israeli beer they sell there (I think she had memorized the menu, both food and beverage side) – GOLD STAR (she would’ve killed me for using this picture – LOL). She kept telling me to order one, but unfortunately on that particular day I was nursing a bit of a hang over.

I also refrained from partaking yesterday, but next time love, cheers to you and GOLD STAR – wherever you are…


August 7, 2008 at 8:09 am 2 comments

Who From, Where Going?

We all know what a naturally gifted writer Julia was, but she also used poetry as a medium to express herself.  She was fearless in this, as well as in blogging, but she often kept the poetry very private.  It came to my attention that she had written drafts of poems in a copy of Lee Herrick’s newly published work of poetry, This Many Miles from Desire (WordTech Editions, 2007), that he had sent her.  I thought I’d share one here today, I’ve been less than creative in titling the work myself.

Who from, where going?

– Julia Mendelson

What does Buddhist blood look like?

Does it look like mine?

Or is it my soul? Have you seen my soul?

Could you see it when you scanned me, poked me, opened me?

Jewish? Christian? Buddhist?

Where did I come from and where will I go?

You walk into my room, spew out all of this information about me,

meaningful numbers and codes, indications of what’s up inside,

but is there a blood test, a scan, that can tell us from whom I came,

where I am going, and what I’m made of?

I don’t care about the levels of acids and treatments anymore,

I don’t want to hear another blast count or pulse rate,

just tell me, who I came from…

… and where I’m going from here.


August 1, 2008 at 7:40 pm 3 comments

I’ve Remembered

I remember. I watched your memorial service, 2-months to the day, later. And I hurt, and I remember.

…”I don’t know what to think, and I don’t know what to do, so I do nothing, as if in doing nothing, hope will blossom in its emptiness.”…


July 31, 2008 at 6:43 pm 6 comments

…a letter

April 10, 2008

Habibi John,

Still today I imagine giving you this letter on our wedding day, explaining to you that I once wrote it in a hospital room on the other side of the sea from you. I wrote it because I wanted to record at some point what you mean to me. But, I think I know today under which more likely circumstances you may read this letter. And just the thought that your fingers where mine are right now makes my heart skip a beat…

…If I am anything of yours still – I hope I am not your hurt or pain. I hope you can find me in your smile, your laugh, your love. I hope you will share yourself more with others, because you are a gift. The best gift I was ever given.
Without a doubt I have survived because of you. I’d like to think that will be the case forever.
You are my life, my love, my soul…

Love you Always,



and I cry…torn raw once again, as if this world has not had enough of my tears and pain.

June 30, 2008 at 5:26 pm 15 comments

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Julia’s Jam

It’s just not that black & white. Not because I am taking a stand against. Just because, the issues I face are somewhere in the grey area and to weed through them, I blog. I blog. ~

Glimpse of Julia

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