June 24, 2008 at 4:13 pm 8 comments

It’s been weeks, and I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping.  Even when I do fall asleep, I wake up consistently around 3:30am EST.  I feather between dreams and thoughts, until my quadruple alarm goes off at 6.  I’m tired.

I mentioned it to Leila today.  She said, “maybe it’s because that’s when Julia passed away?”.  To be honest, I had no idea what her exact time of death was; it just hadn’t really crossed my mind to ask.  So I asked.

10:27am Jerusalem time.

3:27am EST.

My soul misses her.

Entry filed under: ALL, Me, Random Thoughts.

Someone to Spare A Letter

8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Maureen  |  June 24, 2008 at 4:23 pm

    I am thinking of you and sending all good thoughts and hugs.

    I’m so sorry. I wish there was something someone could do. Know you are thought of and cared for by many.

    I lost a love and it still hurts many years later, you just begin to understand how to live with it. It is a good life, worth living.

  • 2. Jane  |  June 24, 2008 at 10:25 pm

    I’m sorry ((((((((((hugs))))))))))

  • 3. Jen  |  June 25, 2008 at 8:08 am

    I’m so sorry. Grief and loss are things that seems like the pain has been there forever and yet it hasn’t been that long. There is no actual schedule for grieving, but it seems when you are in the thick of it that shouldn’t it be getting better by now??? Hang in there. Make sure to surround yourself with friends that will let you talk about Julia, make sure to eat well and know there are many many people thinking of you daily sending good thoughts your way. I can promise the pain will become different, less intense, and that you can go on, but it’s hard. I know when I lost my love, the thing that helped the most in many ways was I joined a grief support group through our local hospice. It helped to be around people that didn’t judge you but wanted to support you as much as they needed the support. A good place to look for support is at griefshare(dot) org. (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))

  • 4. justenjoyhim  |  June 25, 2008 at 10:48 am

    You and Julia were so very connected; no wonder you keep waking up at the time she passed.

    Huge *hugs* to you, in this time of overwhelming grief, a grief that probably feels like it will have no end. I hope you’re reaching out to people who will listen to you or just sit with you if you want to just sit and “be.”

    Much love to you,

  • 5. esperandoazufan  |  June 25, 2008 at 6:53 pm

    Wow. That totally makes sense, as rare as it might seem. What a beautiful picture of Julia. I’m sending you strength to help you make it through the dark tunnel of grief.

  • 6. Lucia  |  June 25, 2008 at 8:07 pm

    I’ve found that when I’m in that sleepless state – that I was surprised to find that just repeating a prayer/ or kind of a plea for assistance- seemed to comfort me enough to sleep again. Maybe it’s the act of acknowledging, realizing that there is no way out of the loss – you can’t think it through or away, can’t think of the words or get to a point that makes it OK on your own. You just feel “I’m trying, but I need help to get through this, please help me”. I don’t know why exactly, but somehow that thought /act comforts me during the tough, sleepless times. I hope you find solace. Those around you may not know what to do, let them know when you need them.

  • 7. Jen  |  June 26, 2008 at 10:06 pm

    I am so sorry. And ditto what Judy said. Your souls were connected.

    Many gentle hugs to you John. I do hope that you are finding support amongst family and friends.

  • 8. Margie  |  June 30, 2008 at 5:47 pm

    Oh, John. Sending peaceful thoughts to you.


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Julia’s Jam

It’s just not that black & white. Not because I am taking a stand against. Just because, the issues I face are somewhere in the grey area and to weed through them, I blog. I blog. ~

Glimpse of Julia

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