Simply Not Done

May 9, 2008 at 11:02 am 27 comments

When I really get down to it, there are not that many reasons to live. For me, right now, there is just one main reason: I’m simply not done yet. Life is simpler than people give it credit for and in the end (and I have seen the last chapter of this book, a few times over) there isn’t that much you are left with that complicates. 

This book, my life, had a sucky ending. I’ll see, maybe it hasn’t gone to print yet and there is still time to tweak the ending a bit. But, much like my typical reading habits, I started off with good intentions, the first few chapters first. Soon my curiosity got the best of me and I skipped through (cheated a bit) to the ending. As disappointing as the ending turned out to be, I am determined to go back and re-write what I can. 

There is a catch. I am only a contributor to this book and not the main author. I am keenly aware that my name won’t be on the binding or on the front cover. If I am lucky I will get an honorable mention on the gratuity page. As meager my part maybe, I’m simply not done yet. Here are a few of my notes for chapters four through the last chapter. You can consider it cliff notes/cheating just in case we find ourselves side-by-side in the metal chairs at the Wednesday night book club a good 70 years from now. 

Just to recap… In chapters one through three, we have already read that a small yellow baby was born to a beautiful yellow woman in the land of morning calm. The beautiful woman (actually, a girl) sent her defenseless babe off on the same day she was born to a life she had hoped be full of promise – in a land she only knew of from glamorous TV shows and possibly fashion magazines. A decision she would soon regret and then make over again much later. The infant was actually exactly what the young Jewish white couple in New York thought they were looking for. The purchase was a bit tricky as the beautiful yellow woman was actually pretty wishy-washy (obviously a genetically dominate trait), but the New Yorkers had the funds and wouldn’t be outbid. (Lucky for the New Yorkers, the system favors Benjamins over Deoxyribonucleic acid.) The defenseless babe grew to be even more beautiful than her mother, only with a bigger rack (I can embellish if I want to!). Chapter three ends when the semi-mature beautiful bigger rack woman (previously known as “defenseless babe”) – let’s now call her Julia – graduated university and was diagnosed with a terminal illness. She is shipped off to the holy land where Dr. and Mrs. New Yorker kindly drop out of the picture.
 
Now the cliff notes for the part yet to be written…

  • The terminal illness is nothing a little bit of umbilical cord blood can’t cure. It comes at a cost though. Although she has a chance at living, she is no longer genetically connected to BYW (Beautiful Yellow Woman), albeit still genetically related to the land of her birth. A hard blow and ironic twist. 
     
  • Julia’s love of her life is tired of his busy 7am-10pm life and is eager for adventure. The apartment she purchased becomes their apartment and they begin a healing journey of adventure that they dreamed up several years prior. After all, she had bought the place for its generous kitchen; something she knew might tempt him. 
     
  • They go on this hiking trip in Brazil, that adorable bungalow in Southeast Asia, the oasis in the Gulf, and together they sip sweet tea from the vendor in Pune. Then the teaching trip to their homeland for a few years. Let’s not forget the lobster in Maine, the Moroccan restaurant down the street, and the Thai trip that was once postponed. Somewhere between it all, Julia earns her graduate degree and love of her life gets that bike he keeps casually mentioning. They will “settle down” in many different places over the years.
     
  • He’s an amazing father and she is given the opportunity to show off her ability to give and teach unconditional love without ever being taught by example in the same manner. They complete her; fulfilling a childhood dream and life-long aspiration. He had once told her that it doesn’t matter how they come to him and he is right (although she would have never believed him had she not experienced it herself). His parents (nothing like the New Yorkers of Julia’s early days) have prepared him well for this task and she admires this about him. 
     
  • At some point, she might get to meet BYW. Maybe LOHL’s (Love Of Her Life’s) BYW as well. That would be very good. The four replacements too.
     
  • She grows old. Very old. So does he. They’ve seen the entire world, a few times over. They’ve watched their children grow, their families grow too. 

My life is a book and I have read the final chapter, but it sucked and it needs some major editing. First, I need to go back and write the rest, because I am simply just not done yet.
 
See you at book club…
 
Julia

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A Little Laugh “Light”

27 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Margie  |  May 9, 2008 at 11:12 am

    (((((Julia))))) I love you, I simply love you.

    And although I’ll be about 100, I’ll be at the book club. Because you are so not done.

    You know you’re in my prayers, non-stop.

    Reply
  • 2. Kahlan  |  May 9, 2008 at 3:30 pm

    Ditto to Margie. Julia, you constantly amaze me and you have so much more life to live. The world is truly (however cheesy this may sound) a better, more joyful, more beautiful, and more intelligent place because of you. I’ll be at that book club, no doubt. Rock on, my sister.

    Reply
  • 3. Judy  |  May 9, 2008 at 3:37 pm

    Ohhhh, my sister. At the beginning of my journey, I said similar words: “I’m just not done yet.”

    I so believe that you’re not done and that you have a beautiful life ahead of you. You’ve more than earned it.

    I hope and pray that I’ll be at that book club, Julia. I do so hope and pray that I’ll be there.

    Love you, girlie.

    Reply
  • 4. emily  |  May 10, 2008 at 9:32 am

    Julia-my heart rejoices and aches for you at the same time. big big (((hugs))).
    -emily

    Reply
  • 5. issycat  |  May 11, 2008 at 9:39 am

    Oh Julia. You are more wonderful than you know. Your posts always make me cry. And even though I am new to your blog, I feel like you are my sister and I guess you are. My sister in adoption. I wish that made it so i could give you what you needed. I would do it in a heartbeat.
    I hope you get to write every chapter.
    I hope the best for you.
    And mostly I hope I can sit next to you in book club someday.

    Reply
  • 6. Coco  |  May 12, 2008 at 3:55 pm

    Write the hell out of that book, Julia. I’m pulling for you.

    Reply
  • 7. Possum  |  May 12, 2008 at 6:54 pm

    I also wish I could give you what you need.
    I so want you to write that full and complete book.
    Sending you strength and love from way down here.
    Poss. xxxxx

    Reply
  • 8. toni  |  May 12, 2008 at 8:48 pm

    (((((((((julia))))))))),
    beautiful writer. beautiful woman. i am here for every chapter you write.

    Reply
  • 9. Paula O.  |  May 12, 2008 at 10:54 pm

    (((((Julia)))))) Continued prayers and love coming your way.

    Reply
  • 10. Cheryl Dieter  |  May 13, 2008 at 1:08 am

    I can hardly wait to read the sequel…parts two, three and four. Thinking of you.

    Reply
  • 11. Psychobabbler  |  May 13, 2008 at 11:44 am

    I’ll gladly join that book club, Julia. I’m very much looking forward to reading that rewrite…

    Reply
  • 12. Sang-Shil  |  May 13, 2008 at 7:49 pm

    This is one book club that I’ll jump at joining… am sending good thoughts your way.

    Reply
  • 13. Prayer Rocks for Julia « Land of the Not-So-Calm  |  May 13, 2008 at 8:32 pm

    […] Julia, I wish you health, and a long and happy life — because I know that you’re simply not done. […]

    Reply
  • 14. esperandoaiyasu  |  May 14, 2008 at 4:52 pm

    I’m glad that you are not done yet. Write more soon.

    Reply
  • 15. MH  |  May 14, 2008 at 5:52 pm

    Julia, you are such a beautiful writer. You have been through so much and have shown such strength throughout.

    I will definitely be showing up to this book club meeting! 🙂

    Reply
  • 16. mamagigi  |  May 15, 2008 at 12:45 pm

    Julia,

    There are hardly words. Yours here have yet again touched my heart — and your magnificent life “re-write” is already a sure hit.

    Everyone is pulling for you, thinking of you, keeping you close to their hearts. Myself absolutely, positively included.

    Your story is hardly finished. Hardly.

    There is so much more for you to experience — believe in the fact that you will. (You’ve got to! All of us are chomping at the bit, standing in long lines of adoration, waiting to get that book into our grubby little hands.)

    Write.
    Love.
    Live.

    Your story is yours to write and we’re all here waiting to relish in the happy ending you deserve.

    Keep writing when you can — so those of us thirsty for your words can drink it all in.

    Love to you,
    Gretchen

    Reply
  • 17. Margie  |  May 15, 2008 at 2:02 pm

    Hey. sweetie, I just wanted to circle back again and say I’ve spent the morning reading your blog. No, not here and there – every post, from the beginning in March 2006. If you get email comments notifications, you undoubtedly are thinking you’ve got blog spam or a stalker! No, I just wanted to understand your story, at least the part you tell in your writing, in the order in which it happened.

    There is so much here, so much I never got before and probably still only have bits and pieces of. But one thing stands out, kind of like a beacon: You are all about love and strength and forgiveness. I don’t mean the kind of fluffy forgiveness that harbors hidden grudges – I mean the real thing. The one that acknowledges the ones who hurt you with the words “I still love you.”

    The net result is when we should all be comforting you, you have comforted me in ways you’ll never guess.

    Thank you.

    Reply
  • 18. Never say never « Borrowed Notes  |  May 15, 2008 at 8:51 pm

    […] Simply Not Done […]

    Reply
  • 19. Cheryl Dieter  |  May 16, 2008 at 4:48 pm

    Julia:
    In honor of you I joined the bone marrow registry. Until May 19th it is free to join and all you have to do is send a mouth swab that the registry will send you for free. I urge all of Julias readers to register for this life giving registry.
    http://www.donorgarden.org/main/default.aspx?src=ThxMomRegistryB_2MidMay

    Thinking of you JULIA!!!!!

    Reply
  • 20. jawa137  |  May 18, 2008 at 10:12 pm

    Praying, praying, praying.

    Reply
  • 21. Susan  |  May 19, 2008 at 1:36 pm

    I am thinking of you. Your words have so moved me. Sending strength and caring.

    You are NOT done yet.

    Reply
  • 22. Lee H.  |  May 20, 2008 at 6:28 pm

    I’ll see you there, Julia! I am imagining the hiking trip in Brazil…

    All my good thoughts,

    Lee

    Reply
  • 23. DUN  |  May 27, 2008 at 3:30 pm

    Remember Julia “A nice Rack is a terrible thing to waist”

    Keep going as long as you can.

    See you on the other side some day.

    Old Man DUN

    Reply
  • 24. RainbowFriends.Net › Does the Internet Cry?  |  May 31, 2008 at 10:23 pm

    […] wrote a post called Simply Not Done about how she felt about […]

    Reply
  • 25. May Your Light Keep Shining « Serenity in Seoul  |  June 2, 2008 at 1:56 pm

    […] Your Light Keep Shining Thinking of you, Julia.  My heart aches for those who knew you and loved you […]

    Reply
  • 26. One Love.  |  July 14, 2008 at 5:40 pm

    The world needs more voices like yours Julia. I’m an educator, and I plan to use your writing and blog in a class about transracial adoption. Unfortunately, I’ve read books cover-to-cover, but yours has the finest ending.

    Rest in peace, and close your eyes.

    Reply
  • 27. Margie (Third Mom)  |  August 2, 2008 at 5:27 pm

    I’m listening to this post being read at your memorial service in Korea, Julia, and I’m crying. I miss you, miss you so very much.

    I wonder if you ever knew how incredibly special and rare you were? Did you?

    We did.

    Reply

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Julia’s Jam

It’s just not that black & white. Not because I am taking a stand against. Just because, the issues I face are somewhere in the grey area and to weed through them, I blog. I blog. ~

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