Day Four

April 13, 2008 at 10:05 am 4 comments

Day four on the verge of tears. Have you ever had that feeling? The lump is in your throat and your heart is about to jump through your chest. But you’re so worn out that you don’t even have the strength to cry anymore?

I never had this problem before. Typically tears come so easy for me, too easy mostly. I am the person who left the movie “Finding Nemo” with mascara lines from crying. “Snow Dogs” had me sobbing so hard I am sure I devastated a few of the kids watching with me. I cried at almost every birthday that I had. My first reaction, when overly happy or overly sad, touched deeply, impacted, or just plain stressed out is to cry. I have cried so much lately that maybe I have spent all the tears that are allotted to me in this life-time. I hope not.

I wish I could cry. I wish I cried at my last blast count two days ago. I wish I cried when my aunt said she has arranged for me to come home for Pesach. I wish I cried when he told me he would visit soon. I wish I cried and I wish I could cry now… but I am too tired to cry. I am left longing for the release that tears give me, too tired, too weak, too overwhelmed to cry.


Entry filed under: 3442.

Shout Out 2 My Peeps Pray

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Sue  |  April 13, 2008 at 3:26 pm

    Since getting on prozac I can’t cry unless extremely upset and really do not want to be crying at that particular moment . I hate it. When I get off the P I can cry almost on command which is a bit much. And the depression comes back which is way much.

    I hope you can get your floodgates to open. It’s such a great release.

    I am glad you get to be with family for Pesach.

  • 2. Margie  |  April 16, 2008 at 7:19 pm

    (((((huge hugs)))))

    I’m very glad you’ll be with your family for the holiday, too, Julia.

  • 3. esperandoaiyasu  |  April 21, 2008 at 8:34 pm

    I just noticed that you have my blog linked in the sidebar. I am so honored!! Thank you! Your blog is wonderful. I absolutely love the photo of you with your birthmom. I wonder how you found my blog, and what made you link me?

    I don’t know much about you yet, but it sounds like you are sick, and if so, I’m very sorry. I’ll read a bit when I get a chance and catch up. Nice to meet you.

  • 4. Kahlan  |  April 23, 2008 at 5:23 pm

    Oh, Julia. I am crying many tears for you. Damn, fucking cancer. 😦


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Julia’s Jam

It’s just not that black & white. Not because I am taking a stand against. Just because, the issues I face are somewhere in the grey area and to weed through them, I blog. I blog. ~

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