Shout Out 2 My Peeps

April 10, 2008 at 9:01 pm 3 comments

My friend, Amie, is very wise. She’s a KAD and what I have dubbed my “brain twin.” We often speak on very similar lines. Today she said to me….

“When you don’t have a Family (biological, adoptive or otherwise), then you have to make the world your Family.”

We were talking about my “transformation.” She was telling me how she wanted to post on a listserv that I frequent that I was in need of prayers after she received an email from two of my dear friends updating my other friends about a recent brush with death. She refrained because she wasn’t sure how I would feel about putting all my leukemia laundry out there for everyone to see. I explained to her how I used to be so private, but I have realized how much I need the support of anyone who is willing to give it to me. How humbling this has been, painful even. And how tremendously good it has been… how loved I feel.

It feels so much better to me to give rather than to receive. When someone tells me, “I was worried about you,” a piece of me wants to cry, wants to apologize, and even feel embarrassed. I am not sure if this is a normal reaction. I am not sure if this warrants a therapy session or if the fact that my most recent illness has changed this all for me is the true abnormality.

The concern, the love, the prayers, the hand-holding, the unconditional everything, etc. I can’t even begin to sum it all up or make a list long enough about everything that I am thankful for. Thankful even seems like such a shallow word for this deep and profound emotion I am feeling. I have written so many posts in the past about how amazed I am at the generosity around me. My attempts to thank you all. But they all seemed too insufficient to publish.

But, I can’t wait any longer for the right words to come. My languages are too limiting. I can’t save another draft post for later. I have to satisfy with the fact that I can never repay you all, never thank you enough, never return the favor to be sufficient enough a return for what I have received.

How good it felt to come back to a facebook wall filled with love and prayers, a blog full of loving comments, emails and voicemails, cards, and visitors. How good it feels to be in a Family. Loved and cared for, touched by you.

Thank you, John, Leila, Ranaan, Gilad, Tovah, Margie, Carrie, Maya, Shira, Doda, Ajumma, Tim, Amie, DaeJun, Sefi, Noam, Jae…. this list is just a tiny piece of a much, much larger group of people who I am forever grateful to.

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Entry filed under: Adoption, ALL, Me.

Something remains Day Four

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Judy  |  April 11, 2008 at 5:45 am

    Hi Julia, I’m the other “J” of Margie’s “J Day,” and have lurked and occasionally posted.

    I wish and pray for healing for you.

    Reply
  • 2. briko158  |  April 11, 2008 at 12:27 pm

    Jules when you love someone as unconditionally as we all do, there is never any need for thanks . We support you and we are there for you because in some way you make all our lives better. Knowing you has impacted is all positively and nothing that happens will ever require an apology. An unspoken rule is forged amongst “family” where love is all that matters and formalities will always go by the wayside. My love for you is tremendous and my support and warm thoughts will always be forthcoming and unwavering.

    Reply
  • 3. Cheryl Dieter  |  April 23, 2008 at 9:26 pm

    Julia
    You are loved and thought about in our house on a daily basis…you just don’t know it. I wish there was a way I could give back to you all you have given to me. Is there?
    Cheryl

    Reply

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Julia’s Jam

It’s just not that black & white. Not because I am taking a stand against. Just because, the issues I face are somewhere in the grey area and to weed through them, I blog. I blog. ~

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