Adoption Fluff

February 17, 2008 at 10:26 pm 2 comments

There was a post recently on a mostly Adoptive Parent e-group. A prospective adoptive mother posted a link to a web site that is written by a Korean adoptee. This PAP (prospective adoptive parent) described the web site as “refreshing” and “beautiful” and the author as “intelligent” and “well adjusted.” I eagerly followed the link …

It starts off with a small flashshow of a white baby and puppies and baby foot prints in blue, butterflies in pink, swirly clouds and other such happy fluff …. and the words “There is no greater gift than the gift of a child.” Then you enter the web site which is a Q&A of sorts of Miss Well-Adjusted’s life. At first… I thought it was meant to be funny. (Mostly because of the image of the white baby — why was the baby white? When the web site is about her life?) But actually, I was wrong.

As I read through I was somewhat disturbed. I began to feel bad for her…. as she describes how she never felt comfortable being Asian and always felt more white. She describes herself as a “Banana” (yellow on the outside and white on the inside). Each question is answered with a somewhat odd disclaimer of “I love my parents and my parents love me…” as if she must fear that this is not assumed and that what she is about to say (about visiting Korea, about searching for her birth mother, about her own family plans…) would somehow be an attack on her adoptive parents. That she must seperate herself from other KADs and feeling what we all feel and being who we are (a different race than our parents) for fear that it might somehow negate the love she has for her family. Reading between her lines… I wonder what she feels or fears so intensly that she feels the need to make this statement over and over again. And then in describing her feelings as a 9 year old on a homeland tour — about how disgusted she was by the smells of Korea and how “most often the only toilets we could find were simply holes in the ground that required you to squat over them and flush when you were through.  I will never forget the overwhelmingly powerful stench of urine, which taught me a very important lesson about holding my breath.” It’s as if describing her unattachment and disgust with Korea would prove her gratefulness in being American. Sad. There are a bunch of other examples I could give, but I really do not have the author’s permission to be posting half her web site here. 😉 But that was not the disturbing part…

The disturbing part is why the PAP on the e-group described her in the manner in which she did. I mean, does she know this woman in person? How does she know she is well-adjusted? And who is she to make that judgement? Is that this PAP’s goal for her own child? That she forget that she is Asian, feel uncomfortable around children of the same race as she is, feel the need to qualify her love to her adoptive parents to strangers, feel alien and disgust in her country of birth? I sure hope not. That should not being any parents’ goal for their children.

Entry filed under: Adoption.

Tick, tick, tick… Yael Naim

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Sang-Shil  |  February 18, 2008 at 2:24 pm

    I completely agree — this is NOT what it means to be well-adjusted, and this is NOT what any parent should want for their child. I felt sick to my stomach reading some of the things that she wrote, which I won’t bother quoting here.

    It’s sad when people internalize so much of the adoption propaganda that they can spout the EXACT same platitudes and yet think that they’re original enough to copyright.

  • 2. Margie  |  April 8, 2008 at 9:13 am

    I don’t go to many forums and don’t know the website you mention, but what you describe makes me incredibly sad.

    My kids are Korean, not white. Shame on me whenever I do things that disrespect that simple, fundamental fact.

    (((((Hugs))))), Julia.


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Julia’s Jam

It’s just not that black & white. Not because I am taking a stand against. Just because, the issues I face are somewhere in the grey area and to weed through them, I blog. I blog. ~

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