새해 복 많이 받아라!!

January 1, 2008 at 3:24 pm 4 comments

I spent my New Years in a hospital bed. My cell phone in my right hand, tucked under my thigh, on vibrate. I would have felt it if it went off, but every time a nurse came in and left I would check it just in case. Several calls and text messages came in. Wishing me well and a happy new year. I’m sorry – I didn’t respond to any of them. I was waiting for a call… a call I got last year… but would not come this year. Nope, not 2008. I understand. Really, I do. Last year there was a lot of noise in the background. Last year it was right after midnight. Amazing what a year does.  I had no right to wait for that call actually. I should have known it wouldn’t come.

The nurse jokes as she squeezes the syringe, “you don’t need champagne! This stuff will make you feel better than drunk!” She’s cute and I laugh. I thank her and as she walks away. I think – how sad that she has to work today. I check my phone – nope.

I slide down in the bed and put my ipod on… close my eyes…. and try to forget about the call that won’t come this year.

And because I had the time… I made some decisions that I hope I can stick to. One is letting the security blanket go… more so for him than for me. After all he’s done for me, he deserves it. Growing my confidence to live without him will eventually also benefit me. The second is sticking to my doctor recommendations to the T. No more cheating. Time to go as far as I can with this. The others, are for me to know only… and blogging them out is just not necessary right now.

I’m not one for resolutions really…. but this year is different.

 Good Luck in the New Year!

새해 복 많이 받아라!!

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4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Boogs  |  January 1, 2008 at 4:46 pm

    Hi.

    I Love you. Honest. I don’t understand much of this and by all accounts probably never will. I will try. Honest.

    Reply
  • 2. Rebecca  |  January 1, 2008 at 8:45 pm

    Julia – I know you not at all outside of what you share on this blog. I wish I knew you more. Maybe then I would know how to reach out and offer you something … anything …. be it a shoulder, an ear, a hug, support of some kind. You are clearly going through so much, both physically and emotionally. I can’t even begin to imagine.

    I will continue to do the only thing I can – which is to read your blog and wish you well.

    Reply
  • 3. LH  |  January 2, 2008 at 8:04 pm

    Julia,
    Reading your blog is hard. I would like to help you in some small way. After reading each entry, I have so many questions that I really have no right to even ask. But I will nonetheless. Were your parents with you on NY’s eve? Was anyone with you in the hospital? Do you have family and friends to rely on during this difficult time?

    There is a book I’d like to recommend: It’s titled, Eat, Pray, Love. Maybe you’ve already read it. Maybe you don’t have time to read it or you don’t want to read it, I don’t know. But…I would love to send it to you. You have my e-mail address. You can send me (privately, of course) your mailing address, or if you’re leery of doing this, you can send me an alternate address. If you choose to do this, I will get it in the mail to you right away.

    Sending you good thoughts,
    LH
    adoptive mom, long-time reader

    Reply
  • 4. Lily  |  January 3, 2008 at 10:26 am

    Hi Julia,
    I’m a recent delurker and have read through your whole blog, It’s touching, inspirational and leaves me at a loss of words. I am sorry about your decling health as well as all the emotional difficulties you have had to endure all this time. I will continue to read your blog and hope that the new year will bring you some positive events. Wishing you all the best.

    Reply

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Julia’s Jam

It’s just not that black & white. Not because I am taking a stand against. Just because, the issues I face are somewhere in the grey area and to weed through them, I blog. I blog. ~

Glimpse of Julia

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