Sista, Sista

August 20, 2006 at 10:39 am 3 comments


Where do I begin? I have so much angst built up. My sister is coming. My sister, my sister… for ten days. How will I do it?

Growing up, people would always look at me and my sister, put on their fake smile (as if there was something cute about a tall white girl and a short and stout asian girl pretending to be related), and say, “Boy! They sure are opposite for sisters!” My mother would then list off all our similarities to the unexpected stranger. It would go something like this…

“Actually, they both love to dance, play the violin, and they both love the same toys. They are very similar actually!”

Around this time, I was about 3 or 4 years old and my sister  about 7 or 8 years old. At 3 years old, do you think I had any idea why I was attending dance classes and violin? And I would play with a paper plate and enjoy it just as much as my sister’s Barbie collection! Who was she kidding?

As we got older, I became more of a pest for my sister. Always in her stuff, always wanting to play with her friends when they had “big kid” things to talk about, and sometimes stealing the attention she craved from my parents. Kids at school began to ask her why she had a “Chinese” sister. I became a burden she really didn’t understand. She attempted to be as different from me as possible… if I liked something, she hated it. From ice cream flavor to favorite color. She was spent on being my polar opposite. While she was busy trying to be different, I was busy trying to be the same as her. When people would ask me if we had a lot in common, I would respond, “she’s the same as me, only white.” I wanted to belong to my family and I thought to do so, I needed to be the same as Sara.

By the time she went off to university, I was wrapped up in my own independent teenage life. She attempted to make up for our lost years by sending me random “what’s up?” cards in the mail and asking me if I wanted to crash at her apartment and party with her roomies for the weekend. I was pretty sure that she was finding having an asian sister to be a popular item. It seemed her roomies wanted to hang with the chinky sis more than she did. I resented her and I was too busy with my own life to deal with my new found “fame” in Sara’s world.

It’s kind of been that way ever since. She continues to try to become close and I push her away. But these days, I need her. I need my sister. So I asked her to come and she is. She’s coming! Oh where do I begin?




Entry filed under: Random Thoughts.

Korea Ban, Angry KADs, For this I blog… Abuse, Neglect…. and Adoption?

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Patricia  |  August 21, 2006 at 1:50 pm

    Funny. Just yesterday I was encouraging a friend to re-connect with her KAD younger sister. Sister relationships can be so complicated – even without TRA. I’m praying that your sister will come through for you.

  • 2. Papa2hapa  |  August 22, 2006 at 8:04 pm

    just sweet.

  • 3. orrielynn  |  September 7, 2006 at 8:53 am

    i sometimes wonder how many sisters remain close into adulthood. my sister is 10 years my junior. most of the time we are not on speaking terms.
    whenever i express regret that my dd will remain an only child, i usually receive a response about how the speaker isnt in contact with their sibling.


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Julia’s Jam

It’s just not that black & white. Not because I am taking a stand against. Just because, the issues I face are somewhere in the grey area and to weed through them, I blog. I blog. ~

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