Disclaimer…

April 4, 2006 at 11:26 am 8 comments

For all the folks who've written to me and think I have a bad family….

I have an excellent family!

I have a mother and father who love each other and their children. They had/adopted my sister and I because they were eager for the fulfillment of parenthood (not to do a "good deed"). They have outstanding ethics and morals, patience of saints, great educational backgrounds, a healthy life-style, intelligent perspectives, and deep and pure hearts. They have always been concerned about my mental and physical health and well-being on the same level as my sister (Yes, even though she is their biological child!). They have provided for me more than they wish they had, now looking back – and rightfully so, as I am spoiled!  I have always had designer clothing; since I was 16, have had a new car always to drive; they have paid for my private schooling and university and all of the "extras" I wanted – like international vacations, soccer, piano, karate, dance, swimming, etc.; they pay my rent and my cell phone bills and for the gas to my car (and did I mention the snow tires they bought me?). They waited up at night for me and paced the floors when I was running late to get home. They call me everyday and always end our phone calls (or if I don't pick up, the voicemail) with "love you!" They have photos of me all over the house and in their wallets even now that I am an adult. They brag to their friends and they tell me to my face that they are proud of me when I succeed and disappointed in me when I fail. Their eyes fill with tears when I cry – even when I just need to learn my lesson.

It is true, they were planning to have two biological children and because they failed to produce another, they adopted me. But they….

Learned to cook Korean foods and tried to teach me. Bought me Korean clothing and jewelry and books of children's folk tales. They brought adult Asian adoptees into my life as role models (and other non-adoptees as well). They traveled to Korea to pick me up and encouraged me to return to Korea as well (they paid for that too!). They encourage me to find my birth mother, if I so wish — they just ask that when I do, I thank her – for making their life complete. They get angry at others (even family members) when they make a racial joke or use incorrect terms and they praise ethnic and racial diversity.

So — for those of you who make assumptions about my family based on your own unfortant situations… please don't. My family is far from perfect and they have a lot to learn still — but they are an excellent family!

And that's basically how I feel about that!

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Entry filed under: Adoption, Random Thoughts.

The New Parents Cute!

8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Jaye  |  April 4, 2006 at 11:42 am

    I’m sorry if I’ve offended you. Go ahead and remove the previous post I left.

    Reply
  • 2. juliasworld  |  April 4, 2006 at 11:44 am

    No, no, Jaye. You had no idea what my family is like and I tend to use my blog to vent — so I may have sounded like I grew up in a bad family. So I justed wanted to “clear the water” — you were not the only one to make that assumption (others in private email)!

    No worries!

    Julia

    Reply
  • 3. Sue  |  April 4, 2006 at 1:39 pm

    That is really cool. Yours is a great example of how even the most astute parents cannot protect their transracially adopted kids from all the pain they will feel. As an AP, there is some relief for me in acknowledging that. Trying too hard has its drawbacks too. Cheri Register’s book Beyond Good Intentions speaks to finding non-anxious middle ground between trying too hard and blowing off the issues all together. I think I need to re-read it about every six months.

    Reply
  • 4. art-sweet  |  April 4, 2006 at 8:03 pm

    Julia –

    Can I ask a question? How did you feel as a Korean adoptee being raised Jewish? As a potential a-parent I am very curious about this…

    Thanks!

    art-sweet

    Reply
  • 5. juliasworld  |  April 5, 2006 at 10:00 am

    On the Jewish note….

    Well, I can’t speak for all Jewish adoptees and I know a few of them wish they didn’t have an extra burden of being a minority minority minority. However – as a kid, I was always way into my religion. I really enjoyed the “Jewish” part of JDS (Jewish Day School) and going to shul. I never had a hard time making friends and to this day, the majority of my friends are Jewish. I went through a stage which my sister lovingly calls “severe Judaism” in which I wanted to be frum and went off to Israel for 2 years after high school. I considered making aliyah – but I am not sure if it was because I was treated so differently in Israel than the USA and wanted to see if they would REALLY let a Korean Adoptee (KAD) become an Israeli – or if because I really wanted to live there. My Bubbe, my father’s mother, (the one who refers to me as “the chink”) and my Zaddie (father’s father) were holocaust survivors – both dead now. My Zaddie and I had a very very special bond and I think maybe it is because he knew all too well and better than I do – what its like to suffer as a minority.

    After visiting Korea – I have come to realize that Jewish families are very similar to Korean families in values and habbit. What they find essential for their children to learn is very similar to a lot of Jewish families I know — and definatly my own family.

    On the other hand… most people look at me like I have six heads when I tell them I am Jewish. And most people react with “YOU are JEWISH?????” I remember at my Bat Mitzvah – one of my mother’s cousins said, “this is the strangest Bas Mitzvot I’ve ever attended.” My grandma (mom’s mom) asked why and he replied “it just looks so wrong for an Asian kid to be reading Torah.” It didn’t feel wrong … until I heard that.

    These days — I struggle a bit with my Jewish identity. I no longer have the need to “prove” to random people that I am Jewish. I no longer wear my Jewish star necklace — because I have nicer ones to wear. But I still look forward to Seder and Shabbos (not every week – afterall – I AM a college student!). And I dread Yom Kippur. 😉

    Not sure if that helps…

    Good luck to you and your adoption plans…

    Julia

    Reply
  • 6. HeatherRainbow  |  April 9, 2006 at 11:52 am

    I think my daughter might be Jewish. (Amom is Catholic, and afather is Jewish… not sure which one she will be.)

    But, she is also of european descent… so I’m not sure how that will affect her.

    Reply
  • 7. matt  |  April 23, 2006 at 9:59 pm

    “Learned to cook Korean foods and tried to teach me. Bought me Korean clothing and jewelry and books of children’s folk tales. They brought adult Asian adoptees into my life as role models (and other non-adoptees as well). They traveled to Korea to pick me up and encouraged me to return to Korea as well (they paid for that too!).”

    sometimes when i read about other adoptees experiences like this with their parents i get jealous. i dunno, it’s kind of sad on my part i guess. it wasn’t until a couple years into college that i actually made some asian friends… and i definitely did not know anything about korean culture then. now it feels like i’m playing catchup…

    Reply
  • 8. Margie  |  May 15, 2008 at 9:05 am

    I’m glad to read this, Julia!

    Reply

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Julia’s Jam

It’s just not that black & white. Not because I am taking a stand against. Just because, the issues I face are somewhere in the grey area and to weed through them, I blog. I blog. ~

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